The (Useful) Idiot’s Guide to the Israel/Hamas conflict
For those in the West who like structure for their hate
A few things to remember so that everyone is on the same page when they jump on the antisemitic bandwagon to trash Jews and Israel:
· At all costs maintain the myth that Palestinians are innocent victims and completely blameless, and never, ever discuss the many offers of peace and land they have rejected in the last 75 years because each deal required the recognition and ongoing existence of Israel.
· Shout down anyone who claims Jews have been in the region for thousands of years longer than Palestinians or Islam.
· Do not allow people to mention that the other Arab nations hate the Palestinians and refuse to take Palestinian refugees because they cause unrest and violence wherever they go.
· When discussing the Gaza ‘concentration camp’ on no account mention that Gaza also has a border with Egypt, which is building an even bigger barrier than Israel to keep Palestinians out.
· Use the word ‘occupation’ as much as possible, but pretend that Israel still occupies Gaza, 17 years after leaving, and not Hamas.
· Ignore Israel’s frequent warnings to Gazan civilians to get away from danger or claims that the IDF is targeting Hamas while trying to minimize civilian casualties. This action should always be described as genocide.
· Re the above, avoid mentioning or acknowledging that more than two million Palestinian Israeli and Arab Israeli citizens live peacefully alongside Jews in Israel.
· Never admit the harmless aspirational Palestinian slogan, ‘from the river to the sea’ calls for the destruction of Israel and the murder of all Jews (and on no account refer to this genocidal ambition as genocide).
· Deflect references to the savage and barbaric Hamas rape, torture, murder and kidnap attack by yelling, ‘this didn’t start on October 7!’ If that doesn’t work, scream, even louder, ‘what about the settlers!’
· Maintain that rape and sexual assault/torture is always abhorrent, unless committed by Hamas against Jewish women and girls. Then it’s OK.
· Constantly demand a ceasefire, but only by Israel.
· What hostages?
· Do not refer to Palestinian women and children as human shields; they are martyrs sacrificing their lives while protecting men who run and hide from the Israelis.
· Avoid any reference to the international coalition of Arab and Western countries that destroyed ISIS and in the process killed thousands of Syrian and Iraqi civilians. Syrians and Iraqis are not as important as Palestinians (unless killed by Israelis).
· Ignore the two million Afghan refugees forcibly expelled by Pakistan or the atrocities committed by Assad in Syria against his own people. As you know, it’s OK for Muslim nations to kill and mistreat other Muslims. Besides, Afghans and Syrians are not as important as Palestinians (unless killed by Israelis).
· Do not engage if anyone says that LGBTQI+ people discovered in Gaza are tortured and killed and ensure you shut down anyone who notes that the only country in which LGBTQI+ people can live safely in the middle east is Israel.
· Likewise, talk over anyone who says women have no rights in Muslim countries.
· Remember that you are not antisemitic, you are anti-Zionist. This gives you permission to safely hate Jews and Israel without feeling like a racist.
· When attacking or abusing Jews or Jew-sympathizers, make sure you use their correct pronouns.
· Rest easy that you are not censoring, canceling, banning, abusing, threatening or assaulting Jews, you are just exercising free speech.
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If you have found this information sheet useful, contact Hamas, the BBC or your local university for more handy hints and tips.
Happy hating & stay safe!